My First Quote!

"Life is often like a Poem; when you begin to perceive it, it ends. But the lucky thing is, every end is a new beginning!" - My First Quote Ever
"Life is too precious to be just hanging around in it, too good to be just sleeping through most of it, and too passionate to be just thinking about it...... So, I WRITE..." ~ Sana Rose

November 12, 2010

I Have Been Thinking...

I know it's been long... 
Well, I have been ill and sick. Of many things lately. Of darn Sinusitis. 
Took a lot of medicines, but at last none gave me relief, so I prescribed for myself after checking a Repertory with much prejudice. 
But I think I got the drug right - Belladonna 200 - God knows how many doses -I took it as I liked - And now I don't have that dull, congested, sharp, weighing, burning headache that aggravated at the slightest strain or stress or stooping. Or even Anger or Laziness to go to class... umm... ;) 
(I'm a sweetheart, aren't I?) LOL!!!!!!


I just typed my thoughts into my Facebook statuses every now and then and it caught some eyes - because of its depressed nature... Poor they - I wasn't as dark or upset as the words spoke...

I have been thinking of Doormats. And craving too much love from him. 
Feeling I wasn't loved the same way I loved him.
And being incredibly difficult. 

Well, can't ignore the FACT that sometimes men need a knock on their heads and we have to tell them, "Hey, I Exist!" or "I want to talk with you! Would ya mind?"

It could get embarrassing when they don't respond.... right?
But always I'm the one who gets over it sooner than I made all the depression for myself...
Sometimes I do get tired of being just a Doormat.  
And the best part of it is, he didn't make me the doormat.
And the worst part is I made myself the doormat. And that's annoying.

But I enjoy it anyway - may be I enjoy my own depression... 
And I wrote:

All right, I am a doormat! But don't make me feel like I'm a double doormat... Because, I'm not. You can't use the doormat when it's turned face down... At least not for the purpose of dusting your feet...

And it was sensational!

Another day, I was darkly dejected - well, just felt I didn't fit to be here... And I scribbled:

I am terribly, darkly dejected... I wish I knew why... I wish I did not exist... I wish I was just a heroine of a fictional novel, for whom the author writes it all... I know God is my author but life is not a fiction... It's a darned reality...

It became another discussion on my wall... geez...! :)

A friend asked me: "Nd finally u realized that reality is much BITTER than fantasy....."

Well, Guys...  
Not 'finally'... 'Over and over again'... It's nothing related to anything you guys know... And it's not a comparison between Reality and Fantasy... Sometimes the fantasy thriller am reading are much more complicated than Real life... But my words are a comparison between existing and NOT existing at all... A basic thought - not upto a higher level...
As far as Reality and Fantasy are concerned, at least we have a choice to accept reality or not believe the fantasy... But when we exist, we exist. If we don't, we don't. It's a dead line... Think about it... 


And finally, a few words with a friend gave me a thought. I am not gonna ponder over it, but you might like to... 

Surface and inner beauties are two - perceived by different senses... My thought is much more complex - the VOICE... There are different kinds of beauties... What kind is Beautiful Voice - surface or inner?

Bed time now...
I miss lullabies, you know... 
Just being able to sing them to a tiny one of mine will do for now - but I haven't got a baby.
That's the problem for today - And I won't get it solved in near future - not for a handful of years anyway... :(


Book News: Got the suggested Minimum Retail Price, but let it be a secret. It surprised me when Bruce told me that, because, I didn't how much worth my book was...

Love you all...
xo xo xo Sana Rose 

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"I Do Not Want To Be A Doctor Who Writes, But I Want To Be A Writer Who Heals..." - Sana Rose