My First Quote!

"Life is often like a Poem; when you begin to perceive it, it ends. But the lucky thing is, every end is a new beginning!" - My First Quote Ever
"Life is too precious to be just hanging around in it, too good to be just sleeping through most of it, and too passionate to be just thinking about it...... So, I WRITE..." ~ Sana Rose

December 28, 2011

Goodbye Post!

Hello friends and Readers! 
This is a goodbye post in this blog. A week back, I decided to move to Wordpress to blog. And even my website may get a shift due to technical problems such as the wonderful speed of the internet connection!
So, you see, where to look for me? - Check it on the tab titled "Sana's New Blog". Okay?

So that's where I will be blogging. I already have two posts there, but again, sorry for the late notification, but it's not that much a problem! :D
Those who would like to continue the walk with me, join me there. It's something different from this blog, I admit. Or rather say, I promise. :) And I am talking about planned things and of course, thinking new and more. :)

So here you go!


I hope to see you all there! :)

Love Always...
...Sana 


December 8, 2011

Convalescence... And +ve Thinking!

...Yeah, isn't it? I could say I am convalescing if I had been sick. But writer's block hasn't been grouped under any diseases or disorders so far. But, this is something I am saying to convince myself that I will get back to writing soon. But this has been pretty bad. Let me put it out frankly. I haven't been writing the novels at all. Today, I wrote a paragraph of the new novel I had begun. But, how huge a thing is that? Not really much work. But it took some effort. Because may be, convalescence is tougher than the illness. 

Anyway, I have been promising myself to be good to myself and yesterday, just out of the blue, I took out a new plan. Positive Thinking Days. Starting from yesterday, I would update my status with a positive thought about myself, my life or situation or whatever that comes to my mind (That's what they want anyway).

So yesterday, I wrote:


Positive Thinking : Day 1:
I Love Being A Writer. And A Promising One At That. :)


And today, I updated:



Positive Thinking : Day 2:
I Pray For Those Who Left Me To Have A Great Life That Was Worth Leaving Me. 
Because, A Great Life Is What My Freedom Gave Me. ;) :) 

So that was for today. I don't know where these thoughts are coming from. It is rather on the spot. And kinda instant and unplanned. May be it's really right out from my heart. From within me, from my greatest aspirations to be inspiring. Anyway, there is one thing I discovered not long ago and not too late. I should have started doing this earlier. But I am glad that I started it at least now. 
I began this just out of the blue. Without a plan and nothing really on my mind. Maybe I was trying to convince myself that I was going to be downright positive about everything.
(Well, there is a reason and story behind that, not a long story, but just a short incident. My guy asked me why I was looking at everything negatively. Okay, it was about something silly. About the national ID card, for which I hadn't applied and I admit I am too lazy to get hold of an application form. And I just blabbed on why...you know...what...blah blah... by the time it can be used for something, we won't be anymore... like that. And he got irate.)
So, maybe it was the thought in my subconscious.
Then I thought, why not make it a routine? A good thought or belief to end the day with? And the result is, I begin the day thinking what'll be tonight's positive thought. And hence, the whole day is moving without any disturbance. :) Try that! ♥
So, now it's time to retire. Tomorrow, I will go home and it's going to be a good weekend. Totally positive! Yes? :D
Goodnight from one B+ve bloodgroupie!

November 24, 2011

Eons Ago...

So, eons ago, there used to be a poetess who loved to talk so many things that didn't call for much sense but it was her way of saying hi to you people. And in between that, she did throw in some thoughts, dreams and worries. And pictures, too. And I don't know why it took such a long time for her to come back and say hi again after October 8th.

God! It seems so long ago that I was here, on this page, in my blog. One more week, and it would be two months since I visited my blog and wrote something. And it has been long since I wrote anything, too. It's yesterday that I wrote a poem after a long time. And I wrote some sentences of the novel today. At least I am trying before it's too late. But this was not under my plan. In the past one month, I had been feeling estranged from writing. That's strange and not desired from me, I know. But it wasn't like I had a choice.

Anyway, this is just a hi. To let you know I am up and running again. ell, slowly to restart, but I am, and that is what matters. The heart has been having something heavy wedged between its strings... And I still have no idea how to take it out without hurting, or just keep it there without infecting my heart. Either way, it hurts.
So, while I was working on it, my mind was off writing and so many other priorities. But may be I will swing back to the calm and just face it.

One thing is for sure. Each of our heart is incomplete. And it continues to be so until it meets the missing pieces that complete it in time and space and existence. An incomplete heart in another physique, another dimension, another space occupied, another person to pinpoint the explanation. And the truth is that, you may never meet the person, you may never see him/her, you may never touch them. But the bond will exist and persist, no matter where life takes you. No one would ever know... And that person is your soul mate.

Goodnight everyone...

October 8, 2011

Happiness and 'Love Beyond Words'...

Hola, Buddies! 
I don't have any idea why I am constantly on the lookout for a story. Not to read, but to write. And I want to write many of them. And see them in your hands... This takes me back to my yesterday's quote:

"Happiness is just a dream away..."


There sure is no doubt about that, is there? Everything is just a dream away. And what the dream comprises is what makes each thing different, easy to achieve or difficult, possible or impossible, depending on the person. But the simple fact is that, every person is capable of realizing his dreams. Whether they do it or not is upto them. 

There's this invisible relation between the capability of a person and his range of thinking. Dreams referred to here are not and never the subconscious visions we see during the sleep, but the ones we are able to form when we are conscious and in control of our thoughts.

So, I said this quote (Happiness is just a dream away...) in my FB status and in my page, too. 
And a friend asked, "What's happiness? I felt happiness through satisfaction. If happiness stays as a dream, what's life?"

So, remember what I just said about dreams? And so, I answered him this way:

"A dream is NOT meant to be kept as a dream. It is meant to be fulfilled, achieved and made come true... So, you dream of what makes you happy, seek it, follow the dream and work on it and work FOR it and make it come true! And in the end, satisfaction comes and you are happy. That is what makes 'Happiness is JUST a dream away...'!"
  
I definitely didn't say it's an easy path, that it's just a matter of sitting back in your rocking chair, watching the world pass by, doze off and dream... It is work, to some it may be freeware. But not to many. Not to ANY would be more truth. 

That should do for today's thought. :)
Let's move on to how I am working on my dreams right now. Well, not much, but I am doing, one at a time. :)
Meanwhile, today, I noted down some new ideas that came into my head. I have another story to tell - about a Love beyond Words. :) 

About a beautiful bond between a school teacher and a little boy... about remembering a forgotten childhood and forgotten dreams... And sweet love... I happen to have decided the name of characters and main outline. :) It just tumbled out of me...

That's it for now, just a zygote! :D

So there, enough for today, right? I am off to work on something. And I have two new movies to watch this week. :) I am looking forward to it! See you all later, with some new stuff and thoughts. :)
Goodnight! 

October 3, 2011

Enjoying the Sun and Fun of Dreams Endless and Rose 'n' Lavender Skies...

Hi,
I always want to write something so beautifully that it knocks the breath out of you, but I kind of ruin the beginning, I think. But then, today, I have this beautiful feeling inside me. I don't know if it's the poet and artist inside me that's saying this. But I have this wonderful inexplicable feeling this evening. It's something derived from my dreams.
And the dreams are about tiny things that might sound silly, but are truly romantic and truly something that would matter in the long run, when we get old.
And may be the feeling of desire is because I know that these will forever remain as dreams, and forever remain inside me, for, not many think the way I do.
And may be also because I know that my stories will have these dreams as reality.
My dreams will have these dreams as reality - it's oddly comforting to know that, though it sounds far-fetched to myself.

Let me tell you how inspired I am feeling this sunny evening. There's a pleasant air around and all are trying to have fun, playing badminton and watching movies in the stinking mess hall at this hostel. I, on the other hand, am sitting here talking to you - just to be in the moment.
To enjoy the magic of this moment.

I am reading this sweetly written book by Luanne Rice - yeah, you got it, Beach Girls. And I love the sea, the beach, the summer, the moonstones, the clams, the sea glass, the sky, the breeze, the love, the friendship and the people she describes with so much passion. I love the way she writes about what she knows, what she sees everyday, what she feels and where she lives.
And I wonder at myself - for a moment I think, have I ever written about what I go through? I would rather not. I would rather travel through my writing, writing of beaches I have never been to, of houses I have never seen, of places I have never visited. The people will be the only ones I know in my own writing. But, there is a sense of freedom to my imagination, when I do that.



Like the sea being able to meet the sky at the horizon, 
even when they don't really touch... 
And I walk by watching it...

Today as I stared at my bed after I got back after classes, wondering how to get all the things cluttered on it, since morning, I had this sudden thought - a lovely one, too. 
And I asked my fiance, "Will you let me do something when we spend time together?"
After a long time, I got his reply text: "Do what?!
Of course, he was surprised. He would be. The romantic that I am, there is no way to tell what I would be dreaming of next. :)
So, I told him, "I was thinking of reading out something. Reading aloud from a novel. And you listening to it. It would be so romantic...
He was shocked by my idea. It was my idea. He might be a great supporter. But it didn't mean he would have my ideas. Or dreams for that matter.
It is always on my mind that when I have kids, I will read them books or write and draw for them. And let them know that their mother is fun to be with, and they, too can do it like me. I'm so confident, aren't I? Well, right, most of the time. :)

I wouldn't say he was so excited about the idea. But he agreed. "Okay, if there's enough time." We shall, went unsaid though. 
I felt a bit disappointed, to be frank. And I told him, "It's okay, I practically live in my dreams, you know."
There was no reply for some time. Then he said we could read my novel - the one I am writing.
But it's in the computer and I do not think it is as beautiful as the ones I read. Anyway, I told him, "It's really good to read something, dear. It's even better to read something aloud to your loved one... And even more nicer to listen to your loved one reading..."
My words meant he had no choice. If he loved me, if I was his loved one, he would have to comply. And I don't like the fact that it would be compliance instead of sharing a dream. But I love the fact that he is trying. :) And I love him for nodding literally. 
For not asking me, "Are you crazy?" Hhh.. *Grins*...

I told him the reason of this thought. "I just want to do something different, something we would remember always..." Something that I could tell our kids about this beautiful love we shared..."

I have always been some age-old romantic young lady that you can't really find these days. May be it's an impact of the beautiful stories I read and I often ask him, "Why don't you try reading some lovely novels like the ones I have? I can lend you some.
He smiles. "I will read yours."
Now, that's awesome, but I -well, mine... My stories didn't make this romantic out of me... 
My dreams did.

And my dreams will always be mine...

But the footprints my dreams will leave behind, 
may never be traced back to me or followed...
They might as well be covered with sands of times to come...
And forgotten... 
Will I Be, Too...???

Now that's too sad for an end, I am sorry. 

So there, yesterday, I was thinking of this beautiful book I am reading. And suddenly I remembered my own writing. How much I loved the beach and the summers and holidays and stories of love and friendship and family. And I began thinking of that old story I had begun but stopped due to lack of planning. I was too young back then. And I was so excited that a beginning came to my mind - an interesting one - last night.

Rose 'n' Lavender is a story so totally different from Amidst Sandcastles. In many ways. I used to get emotional when I wrote some parts in it. I have even felt the sting of tears because I empathized about the situation the characters were in than in this story.
 
It was almost a dream-like story. A story in which the sky turned into a blend of rose and lavender on every special day... But the fact that the sky wouldn't be rose and lavender at two places that are lands and seas apart on the same day gives the magic a touch of reality...


I couldn't get the beginning out of my head, and to know that it came to my head after writing more than 40 stupid chapters and after 4 years of starting it and two years since stopping it, I felt so elated. The prologue stuck to my head. My heart. 

From the Diary of Liza de Mello
January 10th, 1990

The day I lost my virginity, I realized that passion could destroy more than just your innocence – more so when you were willing......... (contd.)


Okay, I am not spilling the rest here today. May be later. I have homework to do. :) And then I shall settle down to read. :) It's nice to be able to hold a book and read it. Been long since I read a hard copy. I had been stuck with e-books. But now I guess I have got over it and come back. I would read from my phone, too. But later; nowadays the days are too good to spend reading a book from a cell phone screen.

Bye for today, I think I as a bit over the top today, about dreams and stuff. But hat to do? Sana Rose means Dreams... Dreams mean Life... :) Smiles... Of all the dreams I nurture, Love remains my favorite, Love keeps its first place. Not because I don't have love in my life, not because I don't get enough. But because I always want more... :)

October 1, 2011

A Weekend Note, A Beautiful Mind, Before Sunrise and Before Sunset...

So, hello, what are y'all upto this weekend? :) I am smiling, you know. 
I do, most of the time, in my mind. 
So last post began with this Musical basin. It still sings. And I admit that we are coming to hate its noise.
Other than that, all's well. 

A rose with raindrops from mother's garden. Today's Hello.

So I was just thinking what to write - I knew I had these movies to write about. Yeah, you know, I am a bit taken to watching a few movies these days, just to observe the story telling, the settings, just to know how things are moving when a story unfolds before our eyes. And I got to watch three awesome movies this week. :) Awesome? Well, yeah, a lot better than many.

A Beautiful Mind, Before Sunrise and Before Sunset.
Day before yesterday, I watched A Beautiful Mind. It's based on a true story. May be some slight variations for the sake of making it a great movie. It was about the struggle of a Schizophrenic patient. The thing is, he was the '94 Nobel Prize Winning Mathematician - Dr. John Nash. And the movie was so well portrayed that when we realize that he is Schizophrenic, we are totally aghast! Some debates and controversies have been heard about some things being wrong in the movie. But after all, movie isn't entirely the real life, even if we tried our best to adapt it.
The movie was well shot, to be short. And the actors were just great!

Before Sunrise and Before Sunset are sequels and let me describe it in three words. It's a "Cute Love Story". It has no end. It focuses on the just two people - An American guy Jesse Wallace and a French Girl Celine. And what's interesting in this movie apart from the fact that they both form a cute couple is their conversation. They cover a wide array of topics when they just walk around and spend a night together... A lot of brilliant thoughts. And fun, too.
And so on, I can't describe the film, you gotta watch it.
Before Sunset - its sequel, I watched today. It's set 9 years later, when Author Jesse Wallace is on a book tour and Celine comes to the book store he was doing an interview while he was in Paris. And you know, they talk about the past 9 years they have been away and about how their plan to meet in Vienna 6 months after they had said goodbyes 9 years ago had gone wrong.
It was sad. But in the midst of all the sadness, they joke a lot... A Damn LOT! And it's so good to just sit back and enjoy their conversations. Some so really meaningful and thoughtful... 
I loved it, I just loved being with them. And it's so sweet to know that he wrote the book about his meeting a French girl, based on their time together, just to find her again, on the off chance she hears about the book or reads it. It worked.

And so that is it. I have another movie with me - just got it today, The Reader. Starring Kate Winslet and she got herself some awards for this movie's role. Again, it's based on a book named The Reader. 
Most of the best movies I have watched happen to be adaptations of books. So it gives a reason for me to watch them however.

I am not easily led to watch a movie, mind you. :)

So, what else - I have been reading Luanne Rice's Beach Girls. Moving fine.
And I have been trying to write - did a little.
Didn't go home today, as most of next week are holidays. So I stuck around just so I would be a bit away from the fuss at home. And I want to get back to writing. I am really pissed off that I am not doing it much. 

By the way - the second year results were published today and I and my guy have made it again! We passed all four papers and I can't believe that I did. Because I am a lousy student ever since I joined this college. I don't know if I would have been more serious if I were somewhere else. But this is as good a place to be a writer, a good one at that. ;) And I have been focusing more on writing, rather than studies. Somehow it helped me cope up with the monotonous life here at this college. If there is something I would miss about this college when I leave, it's only a few things. The trees in a row where friends share and joke, lovers find comfort in silence and small talks... where I have cried quite a few times over the past three years... It's the diabetic corner. I will share a pic of that place in the next post, okay? :) It's so nice. Named Diabetic Corner for the sweet things that happen there. :)


So, let me see what I am gonna do tonight. Just want to have a nice night's sleep. I am alone in my room today. But that's okay. But before that, I am gonna try something - fixing a Facebook like button in blog posts. So you guys can just click it to show you like it - now that's dumb - what else is it for, yeah? :D Sorry...
There aren't many comments here anyway. People are lazier to check out blog posts even when I share the link. But let me say - I have no interesting thing to share may be... But I can't help it, can I? I am doing the same things every day. The only things that change are my thoughts. Which are coming to a fixed point, too.

Okay, the latest mail I got from my website was someone asking in which context poets see to life and how do they manage. I am surprised he asked ME. And at what he asked. 
There isn't much I can say, I think. For I am not a great poet. I am just another poet. It's you readers who describe me - whether I am a different one or just another poet.
What do you say?

Anyway, I gave him a short reply about part of his question - about the context.

Well, poets, like all artists don't see life or anything in the linear manner.
Does it make sense - what I just told? 
Let me make it clear: is there a context in viewing life - a context that's specific to poets?
I guess not.
May be there is something more to it. Everyone of us view life with an attitude that we cultivated over the years we have had.
The experiences that we had make us who we are, in a way.
But whatsoever the experiences be, in the long run of life, we are still who we used to be.
We seldom change, am I right? So it's not about the poet's view.
Poets see to life with passion, may be a bit more than ordinary people.
But we can't say that all passionate people are poets.
Neither can we say that those who are not poets can't be passionate about life.
Nor can we say that all poets are passionate about life... (Some used to be suicidal, in fact.)
It's how one takes it that matters, isn't it?

That's it. SO have a nice weekend and Wonderful Sunday, everyone. I am off the hook for today. ;)

May be you would like a picture. Try this:


This is crazy, I know. 
But everything doesn't have to make sense always.
What does the texture of the pic suggest?
That it's an ancient sketch or something?
Quit that thought.
It only suggests that my phone's camera sucks in candle light.
Yeah, at times, please do think just superficially. 
It helps to simplify problems. :)
This was taken on a candle reading during exam time. 
The power went off, and in order to make the moment better,
I and my roommates had some time with the camera in the dark. :)

So Goodnight!!!

September 29, 2011

The Musical Basin and Other Stories

Hello there!
Did you just think I am going to review some Short story collection? I bet you did! :D
And so, here we go - have you heard of Musical fountains? Of course, we all have heard of Musical fountains in theme parks and someplace else. 



But I bet you haven't heard of Musical basins. 
I haven't heard of Musical basins in all these years I have lived - okay, 23 only. But I saw one - now, I see it everyday, and hear it, too.

You are wondering where it possibly is. In some theme park - no. Nor is it in any famous place. It's in the ground floor bathrooms of the Ladies Hostel of GHMC, Calicut - my college hostel, that is. :D
We people were kinda puzzled when we began to hear some weird whistling sound. I thought it sounded like a kettle on the burner. Only that there was no kettle or burner here at this dingy place. (All right, it's not absolutely a Ghetto place, but it is not the most beautiful place in the world!)

I would have shared a photo of it here, but since it might offend you and insult my sanity and question the sanitation and cleanliness of the place where we have our daily baths, I am avoiding that impulse. I really wanted to take a snap of the place, but I would rather not contaminate my camera. LOL!

So there, I guess there is some glitch in the pipe lines. May be some air. No, I wouldn't use the word 'flatulent' but something is wrong. The whistling goes on and on constantly, until someone hits it. I don't know why I even care about it, let alone tell you people about, but then, it's something we are talking about here often. 

Now, can we move onto books? :) Yeah, I have been voting for some books at Goodreads. True, I don't like all the books that are popular, but I guess, I have enough reasons when I do like a book and when I do not. :)
So this past week, I read Nicholas Sparks' A Bend in The Road. I must say the plot was great. Especially, the narration. Two POV's are used. A first person narration that leaves us suspended till the end. We hang to the book to know who is this person speaking - the mysterious person. It gave me a psychological fiction feel. And it's a different one he used. And the third person narration that moves the story forwards.
And, again, I also read Sidney Sheldon's 'Best Laid Plans'. And I liked that - the suspense was different. There was no suspense - we knew all along who was the murderer that keeps appearing at various scenes. Only that in the end we find we were wrong. How's that for a suspense? But I don't understand why Sheldon started the story with a revengeful woman named Leslie Stewarts and ended the story with his famous heroine Dana Evans, reporter at Washington Tribune. From the middle of the book onwards, Dana was in focus. I absolutely don't get what it was about. But it's okay as long as the story had good suspense. But I think it's time I read more deeper books. Sheldon's writing is very simple and direct and succinct. To the point, to be exact. As far as I am concerned, I am not a thriller author, so I must read more books that adhere to my type of genre. 

Well, to the Amidst Sandcastles updates... I am EXCITED!!! You hear me? Yeah, I just told it aloud.
It was yesterday that the idea struck me like a lightning... I was having breakfast, a pretty hurried one. That's when the insight came. Insight is defined as an idea that occurs to a person, in completely unrelated circumstances, when the person is not thinking of anything related to it. And people with insights tend to be creative, apparently. LOL! ;) So, I had this insight that answered many things in the story.

I was surprised at the sudden twist that came up - and if it surprised me, I'm sure it's one you didn't expect either. So there's another surprise in the story for you! :) And it felt so good as I let things click into their right places and the last piece of a huge book-length jigsaw puzzle fell into place... :)

Let me know if you are intrigued. I want to resume writing the part 2 ASAP. I haven't done anything yesterday.
Now, talking about yesterday, it's another story.There was this movie I wanted to watch. Under the Tuscan Sun. It's based on the memoir written by Frances Mayes. And I was so obsessed with the movie that I spent all my time trying to download it. But it just didn't happen. :( And there is also another one I want to watch. Eternal Sunshine on The Spotless Mind. It happens to be a romance science fiction and I really wanted to watch it when I saw that Kate Winslett was starring in it. :( But that attempt failed, too.
So with these obsessions, I couldn't really work on anything yesterday. That was one day down the drain!
But I surely will get to see those movies someday soon.

So today I am here talking without waiting for night. What else is happening around me? Musical basin, books, writing, movies... I have got a few more movies from my guy. He says SAW series is quite some chiller. I mean blood-chiller. I am fine watching horrors and such, but I was thinking, what is there to spend time for such movies. Just some adrenaline pumping, isn't that what it is? Nothing to learn from it, from the butchering and blood spilling and flesh slicing. Is there? So, I haven't yet decided whether to watch them. But I might go for the romance movies he has included in the Pen drive.

There's one movie I want to recommend you watch, if you believe in love, family, sorrows that can break us apart and sew us back together... And what it means to be a sister... a sibling... And a mother and daughter... And what illness can do to a family... My Sister's Keeper is a movie based on a book with the same title. It tore my heart to watch it but it surely gave a serene feeling in the end, when the characters accept what happened... I guess, we too do the same when they do... And Cameron Diaz did a great job there. So did the kids in it. I say, watch it, and you will realize how lucky you all are, and if not lucky, you will know that you are not the only one - there are others somewhere...

Let me get to my lunch, I have picked it and left it under the fan and now it must have gone cold, not that I care. But yeah, there's nothing more to say. I haven't written poetry for a long time. I mean real poetry. The one in the previous post was just a sprout of hurt.
Speaking of the previous post, I know it was pretty melancholy, but it's just me. And it was just that moment's feelings. I got rid of the thoughts by the next morning. And I guess, I was wrong, to an extent. 
I am loved, no matter what. So are you. :)
And the greatest love of all - is love for yourself. The greatest love of all is the one inside you...
And I know, being sad and seeking more love was just a part of that great love.

For, if you don't love yourself, you would never seek more love. or just love, for that matter. Yeah, only those who love themselves in a healthy way would care to seek love and give love. So I am not all that wrong, am I? ;)
Take care friends and have a nice weekend ahead. I have no particular plans, but I might go home on Saturday. What else - yeah - it's sunny here now. The rains have lapsed away and the days are pretty hot and today we had no classes, because of some campus cleaning program - which I bunked of course. I just couldn't hang around in the sun much. I don't know, I am so tired these days. May be because I sleep after 11.30 PM. And I wake up tired. SO fatigued that I want to fall back into bed, but the classes in the morning don't let me. But then I think I won't get any better even if I slept again. I am just tired. 

And I don't know what's that I want to have to feel better physically. Well, quit that, I am fine otherwise.
So let me go for lunch and sit back with a movie. Well, may be, about the latter. 
:) And the next book I'm planning to read is Beach Girls by Luanne Rice. Will let you know about it.

 My Copy of Beach Girls :)

Meanwhile, I have also joined some networks. Check me out at Book Blogs site. Follow the link to view my page there. I am still groping my way around that site, but it seems like a great place of networking with readers, authors, bloggers and reviewers. :)

Again back to my lunch... :D
Bye for today!

September 22, 2011

Am I Just Another Broken Glass???


A glassware breaks... you pick up the shards of glass... and glue them together... but it is a broken one and the cracks are so visible... and to hide them, you paint it with beautiful colours and place it somewhere safe and use it for something else that it was not meant to be used for...

There are moments when I wonder, isn't that what I am? Isn't this a short write on my life? Isn't the writer the glassware painted and kept elsewhere and used for something else like... discarding what's not needed...? Or things that we might need one day... Someday...? 

This is a weak moment, I confess. And more often than not, Sana Rose is the person I become when I run away from my life. When love is not very fair... When life seems so... blunt... When it's so blank even when it could be filled with so many precious things that matter... When I am not heard... 
When my heart is a hearth where my very average and sensitive dreams and hopes are burnt... God hears me and keeps me going even when I am denied the lesser things that I need most, unlike other girls of my age...

But it can make me cry, if you offered me some love that's unstained, some tenderness... I would crumble down to nothingness moistened by tears if you gave me a hug - I am so fragile... 
My heart quivers as I write this, for opening myself to the numerous eyes out here is not the coolest thing...
I grew up wanting time and words of love and care, instead of food, clothes and a house from my mother. 
The void is so great that, I constantly tried to fill it, but nothing substituted it, not for a long time. And now, I thought, someone has. But I again and again find, that void is still empty... And every time I try to fill it, it just stays that way. Everyone passes me over that void, no one looks into it. And those who try, can't see into it.
Even after all these years...


Tonight, I am in tears... And no one would understand why... Not even the one who has to... 
And it leaves me helpless... with a lump in my throat... and a tired heart, that has begun to fret what will happen if this is how it goes... In more than one way, I am a troubled girl... And I often get tired of myself... How long can I live in the world of characters... Of words...? I want words... written and said to me.... that can make me feel better, feel loved and wanted... from persons who I care and give up things for... But I just don't get it... I can find them in many places, but I can't find it where I want to, where I am supposed to find it...

Don't take this post seriously, I am in a broken state and I want to let it go somewhere. Please don't let yourself be troubled by what I write here - it comes from my soul, but it may not be a warm read for you. But you might as well know that there is a story behind every writer though there may not necessarily be a writer behind every story... 

Let me try to cheer up a bit by talking about my writing. Amidst Sandcastles is a story I am falling in love with.
What would I compare it to? Yes, a little girl's dolls and doll houses.
The characters are my dolls. I play with their emotions, vent my frustrations through theirs, and express my dreams of being loved through them. Selena gets what I want even if she doesn't want it. Noah gives her what I want, and I somehow direct it to my heart. Selena loves her daughters the way I want to be loved. And in the end, I get a story that is not mine, but feel a lot lighter and spent after a chapter. And it gets better and better. 
I have completed second drafting of eight chapters. Meanwhile, I am also working on the flashback portion.
Oh, yes, do you hear that? I have a way to live - a way to make myself feel better. Writing. 
But I am again back to square one - how long... how long can I live their life? How long can I pull their strings and maintain the show? What if all I have to say is the same thing over and over again?

It would be tiresome, right? Yeah, right, so let's see what pain has rewarded me today... Shall we?



You'll never know
How much I weep,
How many tears I keep...
You'll never know
How much I love,
How many days I have...
You'll never understand
The clouds that rain from me,
Nor why the clouds form...
Nor why I plead you 
To fill the void in my heart...
Nor why I was so afraid...
Who said memories are forever...?
What if I lose it, and can't remember you 
When you want to show me your love...?
It'd kill me, and you... 

Everyday you get a ticket to love;
in the end what counts is how many tickets you spent, not how many you got...

Goodnight everyone... xoxoxo

September 15, 2011

Love and Sense

Hello everyone!

It's actually surprising sometimes what we find to talk about, just out of the blue. :)
And today, what I thought might be something to think of is the quote I shared yesterday.
Yes, you already know it - about Love and Sense. :)

"Who says Love has no sense? Love has the greatest sense in the world. It's a divine matter. The truth is, when love comes, nothing else makes sense. And then people say Love has no sense, it's blind and mute..." 

A friend happened to tell me something like love has no sense - that it is blind, and the closer we get to a person, we understand them less, and the lesser we see their faults. Is that so? I simply disagree. :)

Yet some others think it's an extension of some inherent insanity within us. I feel it's far-fetched since for Love, I can find only one definition.
Love is An Extension of Divinity Through Us.




And I definitely don't think that Love has many faces. Love has many forms, but faces? And the faces people claim happen to be - that it starts with a smile, care and trust and ends with tears and betrayal. How wrong, how simply wrong is that assumption, for True Love never Ends. Does it?


How can we say Love ends with cheating, when true love and cheating are two different things? Any thing's end comes from itself... As for Love, doesn't it remain in us, even when we are left behind, as a small part of our past? That's not the matter here anyway. As a friend said, if they keep all its precious things in tact, my thought is right. But when they don't keep its precious things well and make a bond like bloody hell, does it make my quote wrong? 
Let's think again - WOULD IT BE LOVE IF IT'S LIKE BLOODY HELL???

 
"Love is never to be blamed
For what you are ashamed..."
-S.R. (written just now)

When love is said to have lost its magic, think again - is it Love that lost the magic? Or is it your beliefs and conducts? The latter, right? The fault rests with us, not Love.

Love is a divine matter and divinity never goes wrong... :) 

So, that's for thought. Now let's move on to the Writer's status.

I wrote a significant amount of the novel yesterday evening. Typed out 22 pages in the Word document from the newsprint paper I had used to write. I also took some time to get some facts right from my Goan friend who is helping me with the setting of Goa Medical College. And I feel better after getting the precise information. He sure knows how to tell me what I need. :) Thank you, Sid...!

And yes, I have typed the chapter 7, too, into the manuscript file today. My typing is getting better and am comfortable with it, except for my back may be. But in the end of the day, I feel I have done something today. :) It is such a great feeling. 
I am kinda in a trance lately, literally living with Noah, Selena, and others, in 1997... And when I step into that world Amidst Sandcastles, nothing else really hits me hard except the waves of imaginations.

So are you really ready for the next chapter? Yes, Chapter 5 that is. Let me know if you are. The plot is getting tighter, isn't it? But still I think my writing is so simple in language. I would really like to know if it sets the right mood and you want to continue reading it. 


Hmmm.. Not feeling much poetic now, have got work to do. Isn't there always?
I went to class today till noon. And listened attentively. When everything goes smoothly, things get better in a way we don't count. Though I admit that I really do feel I have had enough of college sometimes. But still the thought of being a doctor pulls me back to where I sit - in the last bench in the classroom. At least, I am there...


So much for being a medical student. I must say that though the college I am in is one of the best in our field, the academics and faculties are getting poorer. And I do have some worries over it. But, again, I find a place to resort to - pen and paper... Where I sort out things better than in life... And where I write for my characters what I myself can't have or do. Where I give some trouble to my characters to solve, so that I am not the only troubled person. Where, as i have always planned, life would be fair in the end, no matter what happens in between... 


Where, I find myself hidden in bunches of words being scribed about others... 


Poetry is a different case though. :)


By the way, I have a friend's book to share. It's titled Silent Moments of Melancholy. Amol Redij is an IT professional from Mumbai, India and this is his debut book. You can find his blog here.


 

I have plans to write a review for this book and as far as I have read, it's a good one, coming from an IT professional. :) Of course, Melancholy and lots of broken heart material, but it's human - that's what it is. Not mechanical, it's human with emotions that are not hidden or edited - the poet sure feels a lot of the things we can relate to. :) Try it - a word from a poet. :)


What else? There it goes - I mean time. I have to do a little more work and then I am off to pray and sleep. Today I have worked. I also watched a movie - Salt 'n' Pepper - a new Malayalam movie. And I like its direction and dialogues. Good work, that is. Basically a love story, but a different one. A good standard movie with standard humour.
But today didn't have that magic that is there usually. 


How would there be that magic when we miss a person even while he is sitting beside us?


Do not feel discerned, but everyone please check how your love life is going on, every now and then. :) Just so things are updated always. :) Mine is passing a slight hump now and it's not that finely paved, but it can be put up with.

Oh, well, it's just me - the Sana Rose, a Romance poet. ;) No, I didn't get it wrong, did I?

 No one can put up with my ideas of being in love - well, not always. But I prefer it, though.


Goodnight... 

P.S. Just wanted to remind you that I have a published book of 70 poems, The Torrent from My Soul : Poems of A Born Dreamer, and its cover happens to look like this:


Now, you might find this crude or even funny, but I find this as "not being fancy", if you know what I mean. :D
 

"I Do Not Want To Be A Doctor Who Writes, But I Want To Be A Writer Who Heals..." - Sana Rose