My First Quote!

"Life is often like a Poem; when you begin to perceive it, it ends. But the lucky thing is, every end is a new beginning!" - My First Quote Ever
"Life is too precious to be just hanging around in it, too good to be just sleeping through most of it, and too passionate to be just thinking about it...... So, I WRITE..." ~ Sana Rose

May 30, 2011

The Two Dream Moments!!!

Hi there,
As promised, here I am, with the photos! :) With the earliest snaps I could gather! Now, that's way too fast, huh?
I got them from my friend's phone unexpectedly! Thanks to Aneesh Mohan, my friend and classmate, for these clicks. :)

Seems like the lower half of the photo is clearer than the upper.
But that's okay, my stye (yes, a new one) can't be seen!
This is the moment of the book release!

From Left to Right:
From Left to Right: Sri. U.A. Khader (National Academy Award Winning Writer), Me, Sri: Venkitachalam (Critic and Translator), Dr. Anila Kumari (Principal, GHMC Calicut)

The Moment I dreaded most... but one that became one of those unforgettable moments in my life...
The first time I spoke as an author... :)

So these are the photos I have now. If I get anymore, will sure share it here. :)
So I am in a bit of hurry. The second year has come to an end and it is exam time.
By the way, I finished Part 1 of the novel. It will be resumed after the exams, hopefully...
Monsoon is on, now... :) Once again, it's raining and raining... It's time to curl in the bed under the quilt and sleep in the lullaby of the rain... :) Oh, how I love the inevitable romance of the rain!!! :)
Let me share a Monsoon poem here... Monsoon Blues is a poem from my book and I wrote it last year, if I remember right.

It's raining once again,
And I know it's the monsoon blues;
I want to die in the rain...

The cold is getting into each bone,
But still, I want to stand in the rain;
The monsoon blues are not gone...

The inevitable romance is haunting,
I want to sleep in the lullaby
Of the romance and the rain's chanting...

It's the warmth of your heart I felt
That makes me love you more,
Not the 'we-could've shared' quilt...

But I realize my heart's rues
Of suppressing the love as platonic;
It's not just the monsoon blues...


So guys, goodnight for today, it's raining and there's huge thunder and lightening and the power's gone. I better be gone now. Or we'll not see again.

May 29, 2011

Out-of-This-World Moments... Well - Totally...

Hey there! Here I am, as promised! :)
So where do we really start, huh?
This week passed brimming me with anticipation and really out-of-this-world moments... :)
And like I said, it's the Autopsy posting which was unworldly - because it's about death. 

But I will begin the account today with the happy moments. :)
May 27th, 2011 is one of the most memorable days I ever had in my life... 
As planned, we all gathered for the Inaugural function of our college's Academic and Cultural Wing. 
A Body to promote Art and Cultural activities.
It has been a long-time wish of the student body there. 
And thus, 'Felicia 2011... Out-of-this-world Moments!' was inaugurated by the Hon'ble Chief Guest, Sri: U.A. Khader, the Academy Award Winner. 
I'm so lucky to have had my book released by him. :)

The book releasing ceremony was actually so so heavenly...

Sri: U.A. Khader released the book and it was received by the brilliant critic/translator Sri. Venkitachalam, who read and reviewed my book for the first time.
Later the speeches came, and the critic introduced the book to the audience that included students and teachers. I sat on the stage with the guests and was in a trance... as if I was sitting in a dream. The only thing at that time that made sure it was all real was the message that came constantly from a friend to my cell phone.
So, there I sat in a daze and watched the crowd in front of me, digesting the fact that some minutes later, I will be facing them. Speaking to them on the Mic, as a poet, the author of the book that was just released... It was a moment filled with anticipation... 
The moment came which I had expected to be difficult to me more than the moment of my speech.
The Critic/Translator, Venkitachalam, came to the mic to introduce the book. I am sorry I didn't record his speech.
It was enlightening, to me just as it was to others in the hall. 
And as he spoke about my book and revealed its layers, and the emotions and memories compressed into its pages, my eyes grew warm... and they began to get blurred...
And then I couldn't fight it back. 
My friend saw it from the audience and texted me to come down and I got up and left to a corner seat among the audience, not far from the stage, where the speaker could see me. 
It was difficult - may be the only fight I couldn't win so far- fighting back my tears when the memories attack me and remind me that this is a dream moment coming true to me... 
People saw me break into tears and go down from the stage. 
For once, I wasn't ashamed of my tears, and even in between, I was seeing some of my dear friends, the Teddy Bear included, mopping up a tear that slid down from their eyes. I didn't want this to be a sad movie, actually. But it was better than that, I guess. :)

I let the tears flow into my kerchief as the critic explained the book to the audience with all the justice he can do to it. And it felt so good as much as I felt vulnerable - yes, totally vulnerable, because by reading my book so deeply, and studying each line in it, he had operated my mind and looked into its weakest of parts... He expressed that he was awed by my expressions in the poems and I was awed by the fact that his favorite line in the book was one form a poem written at 16. "Is there a truth that's called peace..?" from the poem "With Tears of Grief" featured in the last post at the Debut Sail. Which I didn't remember at all.

I had had to rummage through the book to find that line when he told me about it when we met to talk on Thursday from the cafeteria. Mind you, I write and forget actually and I had to search the book to find a line from my own book! 
He also mentioned about the poem "Emptinesses in Equilibrium" which had a rather strange expression, according to him. The Emptinesses are in Equilibrium was to him one of the best and most unique lines he had ever read and he has resolved that it was the emptiness of my mind. :)
That's a critic - he can make a poem out of a line... And it was an extremely sensitive moment to hear so much deep remarks about my book. And especially about my love poems. He said they were daring, dangerously written... Students giggled because each of them knew how much of it was due to the reason sitting in front of me. :)

Later, felicitations were given by the Superintendent, Dr. Nisha Paul, of our college and by Dr. Geetha Jose, Our Gynecology/Obstetrics Professor, who had already read the book. And I was gathering up myself as friends texted me and told me to stay cool. 
It was not unexpected - the emotional attack. It was exactly what I had expected.
I breathed in and out and tried to relax. 
Then I was welcomed to the stage for the reply speech. I went up and stood in front of the mic and spread the small page from my notepad on the dais. 
And began..
My voice was not smooth, because of the tears I had just got rid of. But as I spoke, it went fine and I didn't quiver or feel anymore emotional or even nervous of the stage as usually I am. 
As I stood there, I knew, I had taken the first step forever. And that the audience were surprised to see me calm in front of them after the emotional attack I had. I passed through the acknowledgments and elicited some giggles when I said, "And I also thank my teachers who have unknowingly contributed to my book and the upcoming one, over the years..."
What else could I say for all those poems I wrote during those creative lectures? ;)

I shared my book's content in short and told them that it is not just about me. 
The book was about each one of them, too, in different ways. 
I didn't know I could handle a hall full of audience until that day. My friends didn't know I could face an audience like this until that moment... even I didn't know.. :)
And so it was so good to go through it and see their many smiles and even some tears being hidden among the audience. May be there were more people who cared, than I knew... 
More people who loved me for who I am than I believed... It felt so good....

I ended the speech with my quote "Somewhere in the long run, I dreamt... And then I followed the dream... I saw it in the distance... But I never knew I could touch it, hold it, caress it, let alone realize it... But I knew that dreams are just a step away from being true - and the step is just a matter of  holding on to them and trying..." and dedicating the book to "All those who Dared to Dream and All those who Cared to Smile...".
Then the critic asked me to read a poem "Those Times We Had..." from the book and he was totally excited by it's last line. Let me share the poem here:

The stones we threw,
The ripples we made,
The stories we told,
The songs we sang,
The pictures we drew,
The dreams we saw,
The sands we walked,
The times we passed,
Are all gone far
Away to memories...
Because, you grew, I grew...
You changed, I changed...
Our love grew and changed, too...
And I wonder what’s left
Of those innocent times
We had together till we grew...
And I wish we had never grown up,
Lest we grow out of it...

That's it - the poem I read on the stage- may be my first reading. :)
So, there, that was the event - a very beautiful one... :) I missed some of my friends there, though and my mom, who couldn't come since she was sick. But I hope she will get a chance for another event. :)

I am sorry that there are no photos in this post, but I hope to get a few shots from others who might have taken it. I forgot to take my camera and ask someone to take care of it - my bad. Very bad, I know. I feel so irritated to think that I forgot it! :(
But I hope someone has a picture out there. :) So, that will be uploaded in the next post. That is, the next post here will be after I get at least one photo. :D

So now, let's move onto Thursday... The Autopsy Day.
It was a terrific experience but not so good to know that the surgeons butcher inside laughing and giggling at completely unrelated things while the mourning and shocked people wait outside... 

I do not want to say the specific details of an autopsy here because it wouldn't be a very nice and warm account from a romantic poet. But I will share what I learnt from watching the three autopsies here:

1. Be gentle while you are alive..To yourself... To others... After death, it's rough... They just tear you up and in the end, stuff your own viscera into the hollow that's your body... And stuff cotton up your neck and to your head (bcoz the brain goes with the visceral organs to your belly) and sew you up like nothing happened..and just pack you up...

2. Without the soul, that's all man is... A chunk of flesh and bones that stink... Do something that makes you remembered, so that your soul is whole even when your body is torn up...
So much for all we are... So much for human arrogance... On the autopsy table, all are equal... 
Yeah, the soul is with the God. When it leaves this body, it's just an abandoned case... 
And we spend so much time caring for it than doing something for others who need help..
The autopsy posting we got was not an unnerving experience today..... 
It was rather philosophical to me.. I was thinking how slight we are... How vulnerable and perishable humans are... And why do humans still show arrogance..? What does he have to be arrogant about?
On the autopsy table, all men are equal.. The rich and the poor, the intelligent and the fool... lying naked and stony...
So, always think twice before you decide something. When you do something.  

Is it needed? 
Will it matter in the end? 
Will it be remembered? 
These are questions you need to ask yourself always...
So there, it's time for me to leave. So until next post, Insha Allah... Adieu... :)

May 25, 2011

Post-Mortem Posting V/s The Book Release Event

Hi Friends and Readers,

This is a post before I had planned actually. May be by the end of the week I may be too tired to say a Hi. So what's going on out there? :) I got my friend's laptop last night, so I am here, writing you a Hi. :)
This week is going to be hectic - it's always hectic when it's about me, isn't it? LOL. 
I am one girl who doesn't know how to relax and I am sure it's going to take a toll on me sooner or later, I am afraid.
Okay, I will try to keep up my looks. I am not doing great in that department right now. Am glad photos are fixed and they don't change when we do. ;)

I had forgotten to mention that last Sunday, I watched the Sandra Bullock Movie 'The Proposal' and what, I Loved it! :) Sandra is a good sport in that movie, and please don't laugh at me when I say, there are some quite, touching parts in the movie. Yeah, I almost was in tears in some shots though there was a considerable amount laughs I had. :) If you like perfect romantic comedies (I do!), this one is a good bet. :) I also liked the cute grandma in it. :) LOL. And Ryan Reynolds (Andrew Paxton in the movie) is absolutely cool! :) xoxoxo

Look at me, it's not like I talk about movies a lot here - is it? Sometimes I gotta do that, too. :)

So what I am up to this week:

On Thursday, a group of us, the first batch including me, will be taken to the Medical College for the Post-Mortem posting included in our Forensic Medicine and Toxicology subject. And a whole day of Autopsies. Poisoning cases can be damn stinking!
Eww... it's going to be friggin' awesome, isn't it? 
I hope none of throws up. 

Man is such a slight and helpless creature - all the arrogance can dissolve at the sight of an autopsy. All your grandeur and high-heads lasts only till your last breath... When the forensic pathologists and docs scoop blood from the opening in the viscera and drain the cups into a basin, we know, there's nothing to be arrogant about for being a human...

Oh, wow - didn't like what I said above? Put up with that, please. :)
Next comes Friday!
Friday, the 27th - Felicia... Out-of-This-World Moments!

The Inauguration of Academic and Entertainment wing of our college is being held on Friday and as a part of it, my book is going to be released officially.
And I am high-strung, OH... LORD!!!!

A renowned writer/reviewer has read and reviewed my book and it will be read out by him during the release function. And I damn don't know what the review is. The guys said that he was in love with my book - which is quite difficult for me to believe. I would have to hear that from himself. 
Anyway, he has said that he is so surprised and can't believe that I wrote the book (Yeah, we have met once and talked when I gave him a copy to review.). He might not have expected much romance and passion in my writing when he saw my appearance - this is why I say : 

"Don't believe people the way they look to you.
 Believe people the way they look at you." ;)

Anyway, the conclusion he drew out from my poetry, after reading it thoroughly is that it's so painful and the writer has much mental stress.
"That girl is not normal," he had said, said the guys.
And I was awed. 
Not particularly about what he had found, but at the fact that he had found the truth. :)
But then, hey, writers out there! Who is normal? 
Which friggin' respected writer is NORMAL of all the things a human can be??? :) ;)
I think that's what writers fail at - Being Normal.

What makes me nervous and lose my appetite is that I will have to give a reply speech after his review. And my heart jumps to my throat at the very mention of it! May be it's because it's my first book event and because it's my first time on stage because of me. 
May be I will get used to it, because my leadership qualities and voice are not pathetic. I can talk good enough.
But it's the stage - the stage that gives me the tremors. But then, I know I am not the only one. I might get over it fast. I just have to be a bit more confident about myself. Sure about my looks - yes, I am very conscious about how my mouth looks when I speak. It's funny because I have often received the best comments for my lips and now I am saying that I am conscious about how my mouth looks when I speak. Funny, but you all will have something you are damn conscious about. :P And am glad that to me it's not about my built or hair. Just my stupid mouth. :D

I am preparing the speech and I will post the review and the speech here, if I get the review. Otherwise the speech alone is fine. My mom says I can just prepare a speech and read it on the stage - which is just as fair because even the Presidents read what their men write for them. She has a reason for everything.

And I have one point in the speech to share.
Many readers and friends have asked me why my writing was so sad, why the poems were so painful and desperate. I have only one reply:
Every poem is a photograph of my soul at the moment of writing it. And most are sad because, I write the person I am, instead of being the person I would love to write about. :)
And also remember, the book is me. At the same time, the book is each one of you, regardless of who writes, who reads and who do neither...

So, now what, I enjoyed writing this post. :) 
Another post is up at the Debut Sail. 
The next poem - With Tears of Grief is explained there shortly. 
Again despair, isn't it? It is a poem from a lifetime ago. Another lifetime... Now, I don't actually write much poetry because I am not sad. And it used to be an outlet when I was sad. So you get the relation. :) But the poem The Girl and The Butterfly is somewhat a reflective poem that highlights the innocence and wonders of childhood. Like I said, it was stimulated by a picture - and does well alone without the picture, too, I guess. :)

The novel is in the 15th chapter and I will finish it today and end the Part 1 for good. :) Then it will be resumed after my exams, might write in between if I am bold enough. The 2nd part needs some better focus to avoid any mistakes. :) Hope the exams go by soon and fine. 
It's time for me to leave now. See you on the weekend and will write about this week's escapades if I'm good and alive. :)

May 21, 2011

Through the Latest Plans and Events

Hello, there! :)

How have you guys been? It's past Mid-May already and is very hot here. 
And drives me crazy sometimes.
And yes, I am writing, and writing on a plan. :)
Poetry burst out sometimes - rarely but I try to stick to rhymes so that it is really poetry. 
And here's a new one I wrote a couple of days back : The Girl and The Butterfly.

I have exams coming in the first week of June and that means it's time for a little pause.
So I decided to finish the Part One in the Novel. I was running frantically through the Chapter 13 because it was a little difficult one, but I did it. 
And yesterday, my pen was on fire. I wrote the Chapter 14 at one go last night and it has turned out to be okay, too. Now I am writing Chapter 15 with some patience. The Part one should end smoothly that it shouldn't make the Part 2 look like another book. 

I am a bit nervous about writing the Part 2 - the flashback. But I guess when I am free, I will do it. The research and my buddy helping me with the setting are in good mode. It's me, the writer who gets delayed at times. But I hope to finish the book's first draft by the end of this year. I don't know how I am going to finish making the type-written draft. The whole thing would take months! Oh MY!!!

I don't know what I should be talking here - there's been a lot happening personally. I have got rid of the styes now and is feeling well. :) 
On 27th, there's an event coming up at college - the Cultural Wing Inauguration. I titled the event as:
... Out-of-this-World Moments!!!"

 And my book will be officially released at the event. :)
That's for announcing to the people at college. :)

I had plans to update my poetry blog and website, too today. 
But the net is real slow today and it's not appealing. :(
I will try tomorrow. I have only so much time on my hands, though. But I will try.

So what else has been going on for you? I wish to be more active on web, but so much limitations right now. 
Hoping to overcome it all soon. 
Today, I am tired, I need to rest.

Wish you all a wonderful weekend! :)

May 11, 2011

Just an Update

Hello friends :)

Couldn't write last week due to enough work on the website itself. Where to start or what to talk about, I don't know. So this will be quite a random post. May be I'll share a few photos. :)
Last Saturday, I got rid of the first stye - it drained and I felt so relieved and I also succeeded in suppressing an emerging one. And the week till then was totally a hellish one due to MANY reasons.

This Monday, I and some of my old friends from high school decided to meet for a drink and catch up. I was so looking forward to that one moment. And yes, I met four of my best friends ever - two girls and two boys. :) Laughing our heads out and teasing each other was one thing, but the happiness we felt were beyond any expression available. One of them is a mommy now and it was so lovely to see them all!

Being with our old friends makes us realize how much we have changed over the years. And I think I heard that I had changed for good. :D

But then again, this week seems to be becoming bad now, though I am determined to hold it together with my will. Another stye on the way and my eye is inflamed. Why the left eye again and again?!! I went to the eye clinic this evening and got the doc look at my eye. And had to crack a few bucks there. :(

Now, I have decided to relieve you people from Stye - stories. No more of it. But let me also tell you it's very notorious! :-/

So here's a clump of roses that bloomed in our garden at home. It was lovely to see them together and I captured it in my cam as soon as I went home.

Here' it from one of the angles I took. The sun shone on it and the pink was fresh. :)
How's that? Lovely? :) Well, that's for you guys.

Now to my writing:
I am in the 13th chapter of the novel. I think I was in the same chapter some posts ago, too. Right?
Well, I guess so, but then we haven't been getting Dr. J's Pathology/Microbiology/Parasitology classes often enough. ;) But I am writing it in my best form.
Another news, I am writing poetry again. Not right now, but yes, I wrote a couple of poems last week, starting from my stye.
Besides, I am moving to my website as much as I can, slowly. There's a  page in the website - The Muse Diary - for my poetry from now on. And I guess it is okay to keep it working like a blog in my professional website. Check out that tab under the "More" Tab. Or yes - Go here >>> The Muse Diary.

I hope to write poetry in my usual standard soon, though the ones on the page now are coming-back poems and not up to the perfection I want in my works. Besides, the Fan Page seems to be working good. :) 
Plainly said, People are Liking it. :D If you like me, vote it there! Isn't that a simple way of telling me? LOL.

What then, I have written the excerpt and article on the next poem - A Matter of Life. But I gotta make some changes in its appearance - and that's possible only on the home computer - why, I don't know. So you can wait until Thursday for that or read it the way it is published there now. 

My eyes are tired and I need some rest, so until the next post, I have to say Adieu now.
This is a rather short entry, isn't it?
And I do not have much philosophy to share here now.
But then, there' a new quote I thought out a few days back - I don't remember when exactly. 

"I do not like words lying here and there like stray cats... So I take them in and give them a home on Poe-tree..." :) ;)

Now, how do you like that?
So Goodnight...

May 2, 2011

Belief and Knowledge

Hello, friends, and dear ones!

I do not want to start this or any post by telling what a bad week I had, but when the week was mostly about having fights with your loved one, and being frequently disappointed, feeling left out and uncared and trying to patch up and forgive and forget, I would rather not lie to you. 
I would rather begin by saying "The past week was kinda horrendous".
Pardon me, buddies, if I have been kind of lazy and not really looking at you, I have been too preoccupied, trying to calm myself for the sake of my heart.
And when everything started to get right, I got a swollen eye. It doesn't feel great to feel that our eye is something unwanted on our faces - Yes, that's right, it's sticking out and standing out. :-/

Last week was alloted for medical camps and surveys at a town some half an hour away from our college. The camp is an annual program by the NSS (National Service Scheme) and a week-long.
I couldn't participate most of it due to errands to do, but I managed one day. And that day, on return, we stopped by the famous Kappad Beach. The place where Vasco Da Gama's Ship anchored... The first Step of the Western World to India.
The beach is beautiful, the sand a kind of yellow, a very impressive bright colour. 
The sea and the rocks had their own stories to tell and the sky was bright.
We went on a nice afternoon.
So here, I have some snaps. I have posted them on Facebook in my album. I didn't take my camera, so I had to be satisfied with my small phone's camera. But I guess, the lens was clear enough. Check them out, I will post a few here, and the rest can be seen in my photo gallery in my official website.

There were many more rocky decks like this one. 
I heard that the ships were anchored in between two such points. :)
Felt good to be at a historical place. The beach is a shooting point for films, often.

 Many of my friends got down to the sea and 
got themselves soaked up, 
but I was feeling lonely and sitting on the rock facing the sea 
and thinking of the whole problem of the week. 
I was already soaked up to my throat in the feeling of being lost.

The Waves hit the rocks with such strength, but the crabs held on, 
and the rocks just smiled... :)
 ... while I tried to smile...

Oh well, then, check out the rest of the 12 snaps here.
My eye is a lot better now, the only thing it misses is meeting his eyes. :) I hope it gets better soon so that I can go back to college.

Oh Damn... (Sorry), I totally forgot what I was deciding to write today - I just remembered the title of this post.
Belief and Knowledge - absolutely. Now where should I start?
Okay, so here's it - the quote, directly from my larder.

"Belief and knowledge are two different things. When you BELIEVE a person, he has the power to break that belief. And you may not KNOW that person. When you KNOW a person, he doesn't have the power to break that knowledge 'cause what's known is known. And you can choose what to believe when he says something."

The thought might be something that many of you might have had. But, the moment that it occurred to me is rather queer. In the midst of a row
This is a message I sent him. And he agreed it was his fault that there was a weak point in the relationship. And I am glad about one thing - that I fought for what I wanted, what I deserved from a relationship. And he is trying his best and has won me back. 
Absolutely beautifully. :)
Fight, friends - fight for Love, than anything else. 
I know, everytime I hesitated to fight, I lost.

Moments of conflicts and adjustments are the greatest teachers in life. I believe there's a lot that simple stories of love and happiness and sorrows and relationships contain as knowledge than the text books of medicine and technology. There aren't many stories to be told, except if it is some fantasy thriller. But still we go for them - why? Because we know we want to be reminded again and again. That we want to be reassured that there's a way.
The fight is in you - bring it out.
What I have to tell today and every day is this : Fight for what you deserve. The world is filled with selfish people than nice ones. 
You know it as much as I do. I find it more and more everyday. And it very much depresses me... But I don't have to lie that people are so selfless. I don't want to say it's all nice. But I believe there are specks of goodness - yes, specks are all there is, is the truth...
I am not being pessimistic, or what, discouraging, but then, this is my journal. ;) A Public one, at that!

So enough of the cloudy talk!
What do you ya have today? ;) I have another blog post coming at the Born Dreamer Blog.

By the way, I have a poem published in a blog that features new writers and interviews new authors. I will be doing an interview with the Secret Writer soon. :)

As for my writing, I have been lousy - and not writing - exactly -NOT WRITING. And I know it's not the sign of a good writer, but I will. :)
It's been ages since I wrote a poem, but anyway, I am working on preparing the manuscript of my second book The Room of Mirrors : Reflections in Words.
The novel is however waiting for me to be mentally focused. No better place to do it than the pathology lecture, which needs a change. The exams are due in a month, I guess. The first week of June. And I need to compile the list of topics taught.

And what, yes, I have given away another poem on the Debut Sail. The articles about the poems are becoming more and more personal, I think... But then I know more and more people can relate to it. Anyway, do leave comments if you like it. 
Oh well, I have been on this page for more than 2 hours. So this is all for today, may be a week. I haven't written well today, I know.
Goodnight all!

"I Do Not Want To Be A Doctor Who Writes, But I Want To Be A Writer Who Heals..." - Sana Rose